Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Mar 15, 2008 11:17:07 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Mar 15, 2008 11:17:07 GMT -5
Yes, it would be interesting if you colored them, but they are beautiful in black and white as well.
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Jake
Mar 18, 2008 9:10:03 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Mar 18, 2008 9:10:03 GMT -5
You are too kind, Jake, as always! Hope there will be time for photoshop work this weekend... I'd like to find a job that is better payed and it would leave me with some time of my own. Then I might b able to work on my drawings. I may have got something, but it is not confirmed yet. If it works out, then I will quit my job and take it easy for a few months with that and then try to keep that and find a job as a manga artist. I'd even pay for some Photoshop tutorials.
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Mar 18, 2008 21:21:45 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Mar 18, 2008 21:21:45 GMT -5
That's a good plan for someone with talent like yours. Is there any particular company or location you would enjoy working?
In case you are interested, in an update on my progress in rejoining humanity: I've lowered my goals a bit to having light conversation with a different person every night to avoid friendship or commitment. I've been going out nearly every night and meeting people. That is until they get that look in their eye that says they are beginning to figure out that there's something strange about me. So far it's been working, but I think I've left quite a few people scratching their heads a bit after leaving them. Laughter.
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Jake
Mar 19, 2008 5:08:37 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Mar 19, 2008 5:08:37 GMT -5
I am up to the company that has the best offer, to answer your first question.
I think u should find real friends, not just talk with ppl randomly until they get suspicious. There are 2 kinds of suspicious: the kind where u freak out and are scared, and the kind where u are actualy looking for a person like that. If I met u I would carefuly analyze u and then I'd be glad to discover you are a vampire. Plus, u can get bored at one point when u keep randomly talking with ppl and not making friends with them
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Mar 19, 2008 11:17:07 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Mar 19, 2008 11:17:07 GMT -5
I'm not sure about that. The more people you speak with the less chance they have of becoming boring. I can feel what you might call electrical waves in the air, as least I guess that's what they are, and I can sense an increase in heart rate and respiration. There are two types of these increases, both of which you mentioned. One is signalling fear, the other signals interest or arousal. I can tell the difference between the two. Bridget always felt calm, and that's why I liked her so much. Even when I could tell she was sensing something different about me she was more interested, and I could never sense fear. That part about her fascinated me because it's very rare. Even those people who call themselves "goths" or wish to meet someone like me don't like it when I finally come around. I am never sensing calm or interest. I am almost always sensing fear. At first they are excited to meet a new person, and something about being a vampire creates initial attraction in people. They like me very much at first because they sense that I am different from other people and that makes me interesting. But the more they begin to figure out exactly what it is that sets me apart they start to get uneasy and uncomfortable, and start wishing they hadn't been so eager to talk to me. That's when I leave.
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Jake
Mar 20, 2008 1:55:08 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Mar 20, 2008 1:55:08 GMT -5
Even Lestat said that at first, people think vampires are beautiful and they look at them fascinated. Then they realize what they are and fear them, because they see them as monsters. And then they get used to it... Sometimes, we set a goal that we want to reach, then we are afraid to touch our goal because we think that if we reach it, everything will be over. That is why goths that wait a lot to meet someone like you are afraid in the end to fully understand you. What do you think about that?
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Mar 20, 2008 8:41:59 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Mar 20, 2008 8:41:59 GMT -5
It's an interesting insight to consider. The last thing I'd want to do is change their lives for the worse just because I spoke with them too long. A person can be left badly shaken if they're not sure what just happened to them. Sometimes I wonder exactly what it feels like, to be so agitated just by talking to someone. I know that I must seem like some sort of magic trick to them, that they begin to see certain things about me that aren't quite right but they can't point their finger on what. It must feel very strange. They probably wonder if they are really seeing what they think they're seeing.
Actually, I've had a few people apologize to me because they felt that I noticed they were beginning to look at me strangely. It's almost as if they are instinctively pleading for their lives when they don't even realize they are doing it. It's hard to explain.
I think it's a less severe version of what happens to animals. I use to ride horses, when I was alive, and now I can't go near them without spooking them. It happens with other animals, too. It was one thing that was hard to cope with when I began. I couldn't go near a horse afterwards, and that always depressed me. I think humans are a little the same way. Something inside them tells them they are in some sort of danger and that makes them feel wary. It can be tough. Trying to talk to someone for a long amount of time is like trying to tame a wild animal.
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Jake
Mar 23, 2008 12:38:38 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Mar 23, 2008 12:38:38 GMT -5
yes, it is very true that the instinct someimes warn us and then the animal's part of he human being reveals itself. But still, there are people and people. There is a large diversity of us. A human can respond to some things in different ways, depending on the life that he lead and his beliefs... I encountered recently some people that are very different from others. they are younger than me but they went trough a lot more than me or my boyfriend (I should ask at least one of them to join this forum and tell us his storys, they were very funny, but going to the extreme as well... you will understand only when you meet him/them) and I am sure that those kind of people would never fear you if they would have the opportunity to meet you. And frankly, I do not think I would fear to encounter a vampire myself, unless that vampire would try to kill me. I am more afraid of people with bad intentions, they can be real monsters. And there are out there people that do things that are worst than what you do.
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Mar 23, 2008 17:52:11 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Mar 23, 2008 17:52:11 GMT -5
I try to think of it that way but the reality of the situation is that sometimes when you go out of your way to find something and finally find it you wish you'd never gone looking in the first place. It is that way with many people. For instance, not long ago I went to an event for gothic people to meet one another. I figured I'd find a good place for myself among them, as per what you've all told me. So I went, and what I found was that despite these people's affinity for the idea of vampires, they had the same reaction to me as anyone would. It was really disheartening. An idea is great, until you actually get into a situation you weren't expecting, love. But I hope that if you were to meet me, you wouldn't fear me. Becoming an "Angle of Death" and feeding only from the sick is the only thing that keeps me believing I have a place in this world. Relieving people of their suffering seems a worthy enough cause for me, and that's why I keep doing it. I haven't taken anything from an innocent person in a long, long time. Just the other night I met an older woman on the street. She stopped me, and very kindly asked why someone as young as me should be out so late. My only reaction was to laugh, as carefully as I could so she couldn't see my teeth, and told her I believed that I'd be quite alright. I told her I worried a bit more about her than myself being out at night, and she showed me her concealed weapons permit. I found that incredibly amusing, and we parted without her ever showing signs of fear. That was a nice change, but I know it's because we didn't speak for long. It just feels so good to talk to someone without sensing any fear from them. I wish it were always like that. Maybe I should just sing them this song. I never knew H.I.M. existed until I took a look around here and saw Violet's obsession with it. I decided to take a look and now she has recruited a fan. youtube.com/watch?v=wEjji2ZpVLs&feature=related
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Jake
Apr 3, 2008 14:19:20 GMT -5
Post by Violet Twlilight on Apr 3, 2008 14:19:20 GMT -5
"Maybe I should just sing them this song. I never knew H.I.M. existed until I took a look around here and saw Violet's obsession with it. I decided to take a look and now she has recruited a fan."
MUHAHAHA! I tend to do that alot...and I'm not obsessioned with HIM, I'm obsessed with Ville Valo. HIM is just my favotive band which I'm very, very passiontae about. Thier music always helps me feel better when I'm deprssed.
And there was something I wannted to ask you. If you met someone that really wannted to be a vampire and they were dying...would you turn them?
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Apr 3, 2008 22:14:13 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 3, 2008 22:14:13 GMT -5
No. Absolutely not. I'd tell them they didn't know what they were asking for and deny them the chance to create a living hell. Even if they were dying. I've seen a lot of people die, and I've become convinced that the end they receive is much better than the eternity I've been given. The way they really, really relax in my arms is something I haven't done since this whole nightmare began. Even when I was with Bridget I was constantly worried that something would take over and I'd kill her, or that someone else would kill her. Guess my fears came true, huh? Maybe if Bridget were dying I would be unable to get beyond the temptation to keep her for myself, but I would regret it to no end afterwards because of the harm I'd caused her.
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Jake
Apr 3, 2008 22:28:52 GMT -5
Post by Violet Twlilight on Apr 3, 2008 22:28:52 GMT -5
I can't say that I wasn't expecting that answer.
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Jake
Apr 4, 2008 3:09:52 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 4, 2008 3:09:52 GMT -5
Lol, yeah, that is such a Jake answer, lol! I am a person obsesed with imortality, because my personal belief is that once you die you can never come back here, unless you reincarnate. But then you forget everything you learned and start over. I do not deny reincarnation because I have a particular case in my family that might prove that, but unfortunately I cannot confirm it because it happened a long time ago. Anyway, I imagine that living for hundreds of years, a person learns a lot and when he/she weets a person that wants imortality, the imortal KNOWS if that person is worthy for that gift. Being advanced in age means having experience in life. That is how the imortal can tell if that person can endure imortality or not. Remember that there are people like Pandora, who knew that Marius was a vampire and she wanted imortality.
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Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
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Jake
Apr 5, 2008 18:20:12 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 5, 2008 18:20:12 GMT -5
Well, I'm hundreds of years old and set in my ways. I suppose you really can't expect a different answer.
It's very easy to say you want something. If someone had asked me those many years ago if I wanted immortality, I too would have said I did. It seems great until you see what it really means. Especially when everyone around you is so utterly mortal. Having friends is like carrying an armful of expensive antique vases. Eventually you drop one and it shatters, then another, then another until you go all to pieces and wish you could shatter, too. But no matter how many times you get dropped, you'll never break. And having the courage to make your death happen is hard when you've lived for so long because you are used to life. At least you know what living entails. But death? Who knows what comes after that? Depression is nearly impossible to avoid when you live a life of killing and darkness. And being around other vampires and their depression only makes it all worse. And you're depressed around mortal people because you envy their mortality.
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Jake
Apr 6, 2008 8:57:44 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 6, 2008 8:57:44 GMT -5
it depends... I mean, I miss a lot of stuff because i am in a hurry. I do not really have fun and I cannot say I have ha a childhood because I was poor and I had to learn and now work and it so sucks when you are trapped between 4 walls thinking that you have to work so you can pay your bills and buy food and stuff (because i do not really earn that much so I can get out a lot from my money) and I miss out many things. When I will be older, it iwll be too late for that... So it kinda sucks being a mortal too, specially in this century... You know what they say... "Time is money"
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