Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 7, 2008 22:25:49 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 7, 2008 22:25:49 GMT -5
Maybe true, Lost Maiden. Where lies the balance between too long and not long enough? Immortality would be great if it didn't hold such a price. If I could pick people to live eternally I would, except I wouldn't choose this eternity. I would choose one that didn't suck the light, that didn't require the blood of human beings, and that didn't put such limitations on what one could do. Killing to survive begins to wear on the nerves after so long. Even if I do only kill the suffering.
I would speak about that more, but I have to tell you what happened. Yesterday as I slept I had a dream. I cannot remember the last time I ever had a dream; it must be many years since that last one. In it, I saw Bridget looking as beautiful as ever. I was back at that hotel in California where we spent our last days. I opened the door, and she was waiting for me there, reading as she so often did. And she looked up at me and smiled. Something broke inside me and I just began to cry like I hadn't done in a long time. She came to me and held me and told me not to cry, that it was okay. She looked me straight in the eye and told me that I needed to stop crying, that all I ever did was cry since she last saw me. She told me that enough was enough and that she was tired of watching me stew in my own soup. And those were the very words she used. She told me to stand up straight and start living again, and when I tried to tell her that it was impossible to live she told me she didn't want to hear it. She said I might be able to whine to my internet friends but not to her. So I sort of laughed, and she smiled again. She told me to quit thinking about her for awhile, no matter how hard it seemed, and start doing something. When I asked her what I should do she just said, "I don't know. Something." Typical answer from her.
And just like that she was gone and I woke up. I was still crying from the dream, but I felt sort of renewed. Like I was really ready to try what she said. So I stopped thinking of her as much as possible, and I haven't really thought about her until now when I figured I'd better type this out to tell you.
I don't know if my own subconcious created the dream or if it came from somewhere else. Like I said, I haven't dreamed like that for a long time, and never so vividly. I don't know if our talks about forgetting her somehow got woven into a dream by my own brain and you all are th real authors of it. Or if she came to me in spirit form. Either way, whatever the dream did to me it made start to believe I could follow your advice for once. And hers.
What do you think?
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 14, 2008 0:50:41 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 14, 2008 0:50:41 GMT -5
Wow, I love when somebody tells me his/her dreams! And I could bet you a thousand dollars (it I had that money) that that dream did not from your subconscious! I say that because you keep blaming yourself, while she would only think for the best you should do, because she loves you.. Anyways, we have to think of something for you to do to cheer you up... Lol! How about getting a job to a place that only opens at night? That would be fun^^
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 14, 2008 11:11:06 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 14, 2008 11:11:06 GMT -5
Well, I still have to be careful about staying in one place for too long just because, dream or no dream, I still make people uncomfortable. But I haven't been dwelling on what's happened to me in the past as much. I've spent more time figuring out what I would like to do with my future. I brought a lot of books and music to my apartment lately so I can focus on maybe learning some new things and getting interested in newer stuff that's come out recently.
Anyway, I'm hoping I get some new ideas for what to do with myself because I kind of like the feeling of not being bogged down by too many bad memories. I am symbolically throwing them out and trying to forget, so that the only time Bridget enters my mind is when I think of a good memory about her.
I have to remember that in that dream she gave me permission to move on, and that was what I really needed. To feel like I was hearing it from her. And the fact that you also think it wasn't my own mind creating the dream encourages me, Lost Maiden.
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 16, 2008 4:32:01 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 16, 2008 4:32:01 GMT -5
Want to know how I spend my time lately? I play this game called 'Sacred'. My character is a vampiress(lol, could this be a coincidence?). It's fun because my character can transform evem during day into a vampire and she is very blood thirsty(I am slaying all the monsters and helping the people so I can earn more levels and be very strong). There are 3 male and 3 female characters that you can choose from. The male are gladiator, dark mage and I think blood elf, while the female characters are seraphim, blood elf and vampiress. Each character has his own story and powers.
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 16, 2008 4:32:27 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 16, 2008 4:32:27 GMT -5
Lucy Edit: Oops. You posted twice!
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 23, 2008 9:40:24 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 23, 2008 9:40:24 GMT -5
Do you know what I secretly like to do on the computer? I play those theme park designing games. Laughter. It's true. I am really liking Roller Coaster Tycoon games right now. I think it's because I was around during the time that you didn't see too many roller coasters and I find it endlessly amuzing to create them myself. I actually have gone to a few amusement parks at night just because the atmosphere there is one of the few things that can relieve depression because everyone else is so excited and happy that it's contagious.
Hmm...now I want to go to one.
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 23, 2008 17:17:08 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 23, 2008 17:17:08 GMT -5
some tycoons are really hard to play, recently I played one and even if I tryed all the tutorials and learned, it was illogical for me (I want to have my statistics really clear so I caqn understand what I need to do...). They say that these games are close to real life, but there you can get out of your office and ask people if they like your products and stuff... I like simple tycoons, like one that I played, with chickens, sheeps and cows^^. Another way to spend your time would be watching animes and corean/chinese/japanese dramas (I know this might sund weird, but I lost weekends like that...) There is the site www.crunchyroll.com, where you can subscribe and watch for free all the anime series and dramas available. If you want to find something by genre, it's really cool, because you have a search option in there. That is how I found many cool anime/dramas. I like shojo anime the most, and comedy if it is a drama. By the way, watch 100 days with mr. arrogant, it is damn funny! (if you decide to subscribe)
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 24, 2008 8:58:12 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 24, 2008 8:58:12 GMT -5
Maybe. I don't know if anime is really my thing.
Lately I've been watching the news, just to catch up on recent events. I feel like I'm dusting the cobwebs off a little.
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 27, 2008 3:36:59 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 27, 2008 3:36:59 GMT -5
Lol, I was like that during 1 or 2 years, never watching the news and now I listen to then while at work on the radio. It feels good to be informed. I like also to read the celebrity news on MSn. Those are pretty fun to read, too bad they are not longer...
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 27, 2008 13:05:34 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 27, 2008 13:05:34 GMT -5
I have a hard time following celebrities. If Greed were a person, they would be it. Still, and a little hypocritically, I admire their work on the screen. But when I watch movies I don't take much note of the fact that they are a real person. I think of them only in the context of the character they play. If you think too much about celebrities and the money they make and the things they get away with it gets too depressing. Think of the people starving elsewhere in the world.
Anyway, I have a dilemma to ask you about. I was in a hospital recently, taking life as always, but this time I was spotted. It was a young girl, about sixteen, and she's got this idea in her head that she wants to die. She practically backed me into a corner asking if I'd do for her what I just did for her uncle. Obviously, I refused. She's not sick, nor is she dying, and I don't take life for no reason. But she insisted that she has been looking for a way out and all the natural forms of suicide are not attractive to her. She says my way looks peaceful and easy to accomplish (as if it were an accomplishment) and she begged me on her knees to take her that way. I tried to tell her that she needed help, that life was far more worth living all the way through than dying. But she wouldn't hear it.
I left her, but she hasn't left me if you know what I mean. I keep thinking that if there's one good thing I can do besides helping people who are dying into the next world, it will be to save her life. I need to make her see the error of her ways. I followed her home after she left the hospital with her family (who were all in tears, by the way, over what had happened to a member of their family) so I know where to find her. I just don't know what to tell her. I think of all people in the world, maybe the Angel of Death himself is the one best qualified to show her the meaning of life. But how can I put value on someone's life when the owner of that life doesn't even put value on it? What do I say to her to make her quit this despair? She's only sixteen, for God's sake! And she's not your typical EMO girl just being sad for the sake of being sad. I feel from her that she honestly puts not value on her life. She is successful in her studies, she has friends, she has a good family. And still she wants out. If I could save her life for her, you have no idea how much that would make me feel worthwhile. You can say it's for selfish reasons that I want to help her, but help is help, isn't it?
|
|
|
Jake
Apr 29, 2008 10:07:38 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on Apr 29, 2008 10:07:38 GMT -5
I think that you should approach her again and tell her that you will not take her life, because you want to know the reason of her wanting to take her life. then tell her about what you do, about you taking the liefs of people that are in pain (it's inevitable to hide this from her now that she saw you, just ask her not to tell anyone, because she might get herself in trouble for doing that). Be prepared for her problem, so you might get her a convincing answer about not doing it. But if you want to be better prepared, then follow her around a few nights before, and make sure not to be seen by her. Do not let her know from the beginning that you are not planing to kill her, let her hope, so she can trust you and everything. I think approaching her this way would be the best! I hope to read more about this as soon as possible
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
Apr 29, 2008 17:14:45 GMT -5
Post by Jake on Apr 29, 2008 17:14:45 GMT -5
I know why she wants to do it. It's because of the burden that's been placed on her by the people she knows. Her family expects her to "make something of herself" and her friends all want her to remain as she is. But that's not really who she is inside. She'd rather run off and live in the woods alone. But obviously that's not possible because she needs to hold down a job and if she turns her back on her family she'll lose the inheritance that's waiting in the bank right now.
Can't say I've ever been in that predicament. When I was bogged down by poverty and my parents I left them. But those were different times. And look at the success that decision brought me! I can't say turning your back on everything and running away is the answer. I only know the pain it brought to me.
I plan to share with her my life story, and let her know what I do. About that you are right. She should know. Obviously, she pretty much already does. But I don't know that she completely grasps just what I am. I think she believes me to be the Grim Reaper, in a manner of speaking. I don't think she's thought about me as a vampire yet. I think I need to show her some way that she can let her inner person out and still get by successfully in the life she knows. When I speak with her I'll let you know what happened.
|
|
|
Jake
May 13, 2008 7:21:27 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on May 13, 2008 7:21:27 GMT -5
Sorry it took me so long to read and answer this, but I am looking forward to hear more about this girl.
|
|
Jake
Zombie
"Don't Fear the Reaper..."
Posts: 69
|
Jake
May 22, 2008 17:02:36 GMT -5
Post by Jake on May 22, 2008 17:02:36 GMT -5
For someone who always brings death wherever he goes, I've sure had a very different experience the last few weeks.
Trying to convince someone that their life is worth living when you yourself aren't even alive is a tough situation. I must have tried so many things with her. I tried taking her on the streets to see how much worse her life could be. All she told me was that she felt like the homeless feel on the inside, even if she had everything she needed. Of course I thought that was preposterous. I tried showing her the sick and dying and she said she only understood what they were going through. I couldn't believe her. I'd been trying to get at the heart of her problem for a long time so I could fix whatever made her feel the way she was feeling. But I couldn't see any real reason why she should suffer. So, I told her what I was and what I did to survive. I told her that I didn't take lives because I was a bringer of death. I told her I took lives to advance my own. I told her there was no other reason for me coming to her uncle than to keep myself alive. That was the wrong thing to say because she lost all faith in me after that. I had all but given up on her, but then she sought me out and started begging me to make her what I was. Which was exactly what I didn't want to do. I refused her, of course. She got mad at me then and told me that she would search for another like me, one who would grant her request.
I haven't seen her since. But before she left she thanked me for giving meaning to her life. I just feel like such a failure because I didn't want to give her THAT kind of meaning.
So I've been moping around, thinking about how I failed to save yet another life. I'm sure she's out busily searching for vampires now.
|
|
|
Jake
May 27, 2008 3:33:19 GMT -5
Post by lostmaiden on May 27, 2008 3:33:19 GMT -5
Like vampires can easyly b found! Relax. Tell her that life is more complicated than that. If it did not go well when you were nice, try scaring her *picturing a scene where Jake is realy mad, screams, grabs her and sucks a little of her blood, making her think that she will be killed, then get your fangs out and tell her that of all vampires, she's lucky to have met you*.
|
|